When news reached Albert Pujols this morning about the death of Gerald Ford, he was visibly shaken. Normally a man who shows little emotion, he was moved to tears. Quietly, he called his friends to tell them of the tragic news, and took the day off of training to spend time with his family. Only once in a while does something this disappointing and upsetting shake the foundations of a person as resolute as Pujols. He spent the day in mourning, and only this evening did he finally grant the press the interview that it was seeking. Below is a transcript of the emotional interview:
Pujols: I wanted to talk to you guys today about the loss of Gerald Ford. This is a sad day for America and a sad day for the Pujols family.
Media: Albert, why has this incident struck you particularly hard?
Pujols: Well, when I first came to this country, it was Gerald Ford that brought me into America and the Kansas City area. Because of Gerald Ford, my family was taken care of and I was given my first good job. I paid my way through high school and into junior college. I owe everything to Gerald Ford. That is why this is so sad.
Media: We had no idea of the role Gerald Ford played in your life. When did you first meet the President?
Pujols: Well, he was not the president at the time. He was actually the manager. He was quite helpful to me, and I think I met him in 1989 when I first came to America.
Media: The manager of what, Albert?
Pujols: Well the manager of Gerald Ford. His name was Roscoe Johnson. Mr. Johnson was so nice to us. Like I said, he even game me my first job washing cars on the sales lot. I only made a few dollars an hour, but it was more money that I was used to. My family is so appreciative of what Gerald Ford did for us.
Media: Albert, you aren't talking about the Gerald Ford dealership out by Grandview in suburban Kansas City, are you?
Pujols: Well, yeah, man. I heard that the place died. You know, I got my first Ford from that place and ... hey, where are you all going?
Media: We are all going home. Clearly there is some mistake, you complete moron. You called us here for something so stupid, it is incomprehensible. The car dealership known as Gerald Ford is, presumably, still open for business. Gerald Ford, the 38th president of the United States, died. I assume you never met the man?
Pujols: Well, no. [pause] So, you are saying that Gerald Ford is still open? Oh, happy day! I am so relieved.
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