Happy Festivus from Stlsports!

Here at Stlsports, we wish you a joyous and safe Festivus, just a day early. While the true origins of the holiday are debatable, no one can deny the merit of getting everything out in the open. Local sports figures have joined in the Festivus spirit by participating in the rich tradition of the Airing of Grievances, as excerpted below. Hope you are all ready for the celebration! Enjoy!

Bill DeWitt to the St. Louis City Fire Marshall: You disappointed me by not letting me squeeze more seats into that stadium! Do you know how much money your precious little 'Fire Code' costs me each game?

Jason Marquis to the 2006 Cardinals Offense: You caused me great disappointment by not providing me with run support in excess of ten runs per game, and thus costing me millions! Thank God for the crazy Cubbies!

Brad Soderberg to Tyler Hansborough: I am very very disappointed with your choice to attend North Carolina. What kind of future do you expect down there? This is the big time, here in St. Louis! You fool!

Rams front office to ticket scaplers: Why could'nt you buy up the rest of those tickets against Washington this weekend? Now the game is blacked out and the St. Louis football fans will have to watch a really good game for once and see how nice things are going in other towns! Damn you!

Mark Mulder to his physicians: I am disappointed that you did not give me the bionic robot arm that was promised in the pre-surgery brochure. Now I have to negotiate with these loser teams. Thanks a lot, Dr. Quack!

Mike Kitchen to the Blues front office: My disappointment in you lies in the fact that you would not buy me out of my contract sooner than you did. Now I have missed the prime Canadian fly fishing season. And for what? To be at the helm of that quote-unquote team for a few extra weeks?

P.F.L.A.G. to the Rams: Our disappointment lies in the incredible statistics that show that there are zero gay or lesbian head coaches in the NFL, and the Rams did not interview even one gay or lesbian head coach this past offseason. This blatant discrimination is inbominable and has to be changed.

Alex Barron to Richie Incognito: I am disappointed in all of the stupid penalties that you get that cost this team field position and kill drives. You stink.

The guy who wears the Fredbird suit to Mark Lamping: What disappointment I feel in that you couldn't spring to get this suit drycleaned even once! Do you know how stinky that costume got by mid-October? And how about putting a fan or something in there?

Rick Ankiel to the Cardinals: I am disappointed you cut me. Thanks for nothing.

The Cardinals to Rick Ankiel: Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you, you staggering disappointment of a nutcase.

John Davison to the St. Louis community: I am disappointed in your attendance. Why aren't you supporting us carte blanche? What did we do to deserve this? [pause] Oh, yeah, that's right, now I remember. Wow, I guess we DO deserve this.

St. Louis community to the NFL: We are all disappointed in the NFL Network money-grab exploitation. Kiss our collective butts!

Stlsports to Willis McGahee, Edgerrin James, Santana Moss, Jake Delhomme, Byron Leftwich, Musin Mohammed, and Derrick Mason: Thanks for the disappointing fantasy season, losers. My 4-9 team wouldn't have been all it could be without all of you giving your very best half-assed performance this year. You are all on my 'list'.

[This story is a satire of public figures.]