LaRussa eats record-breaking 54th baseball cap

Saint Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa owns many managerial records and is surely in the midst of a Hall of Fame career. He holds the mark for second most wins as a manager for the Cardinals and is third in wins all time amongst all managers in the history of the game. LaRussa owns a half dozen or so manager of the year awards, four pennants, several division championships and a world series ring. But he recently reached his most inglorious achievement to-date in St. Louis, having eaten 54 baseball caps in one season, a team record by 54, shattering the mark he set the previous game by one.

Commentator Joe Buck, on the hat situation, noted that, "Well typically when you say that someone is so mad that they are eating their hat, you are speaking figuratively. But not with LaRussa, who does everything all the way. Nothing half-assed with Tony, even in hat eating."

LaRussa tends to get worked up during particularly terrible baseball performances, such as whenever Jason Marquis, Jeff Weaver, Mark Mulder or Jason Isringhausen pitch in a live game. When things start to go south, he puts his hat in his mouth to curb the profanities that would otherwise spew onto the field and into the dugout. Remarked LaRussa, "I used to cuss up a storm, and I mean I would say stuff that could make sailors blush. Then my bench coach at the time started a swear jar in the dugout and I had to put in a dollar each time I let one fly. Well at the end of the year, I had so much money in the jar I that I could take the whole team out for a nice steak dinner. Of course, since it was that lousy team that made me swear so much, I spent the money on some fur coats, my obsession at the time."

After the swear jar season, Tony decided to put the bill of his hat into his mouth to shut himself up. Well, during some games he would get so frustrated that he would eat the hat. Not really 'eat' the hat in the consume and digest form of the word, but more in the Cookie Monster rip the shit out of it and make a damned mess sense of the word.

Said John Rodruigez, when reached for comment, "Yeah, since I am on the bench so much, I can see this happen pretty well. Tony sits pretty calm with his arms crossed, staring a hole into the umpire's forehead. But then you see a couple bad pitches and Tony starts to gnaw on that lid. When some more bad plays happen, he starts to rip it up in his teeth and pretty soon there is nothing but pieces left. That's some messed up behavior, right there."

The league record for eaten hats is seemingly out of reach, since it was set by Tony Pena a couple of years ago in Kansas City. Pena had to quit the team, not because of poor team performance, but instead because of the high hat content in his stomach and bloodstream.

[This story is a satire of public figures. Wow, this is pretty stupid.]

[Thanks MWS.]