Yet another installment of terrible sports headlines that you have been spared from reading in their entirety:
ScottTrade narrowly outbids Tampax for arena naming rights [Really, the only joke is the headline. I wrote the headline and then blanked out on the story. Why? Because that is the whole dumb joke.]
Ugly woman infiltrates [pro team] post game party [Having never been to one, I don't know what happens there, but it has to be full of beautiful women, or at least I hope so. Anyway, here is one that I started to write and it was just terrible.]
So Taguchi inadvertedly screams 'Bukake!" to celebrate home run [No, I won't tell you what this means. This story would have been rated X.]
Local champion involved in corked bocce ball scandal [Not much to this one. I started this one and focused too much on how a corked bocce ball would give an advantage to the user, but I don't understand the game, so I let this one go.]
Cheerleader: I'm more than just boobies [I saw a real story on this somewhere once and it was so rediculous that I wanted to lampoon it. Once in draft, however, it turned into a fairly degrading exercise. Unproud of myself, it wound up here instead.]
Teenage Rams fans: Where are our freaky, lesbian cheerleaders? [Someone else suggested this one to me. I imagine that adult Rams fans also have this question. But the gag is a year too late.]
Unwitting fantasy footballer opens league message board post entitled NSFW, while at work [This has happened to almost everyone, or at least to someone you know.]
Surplus of [bad/mediocre player] jerseys hurting local retailers [Really nowhere to go with this that is remotely funny. Half of the Cardinals and most of the Blues fit in this one.]
[Player's] intimate hair removal surgery goes terribly awry [Tried to write this and hated it.]
The Golden Brett likes Golden Showers [Submitted by a reader - truly disgusting. Thanks, though, KPN.]
[These stories would have been satires of public figures.]
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