Troy Smith and Brady Quinn rooting for the Rams

With the latest Rams loss, the team has dropped into the bottom third of the league ranking in wins, putting them in the top third of the potential order for next spring's football entry draft. The worse the team performs, the better their draft position. While many members of the Rams do actually have some pride in their jobs, there is a call to let some backups play and give time to rookies since the playoffs are now seemingly out of reach. At least a couple high profile football athletes are rooting for the Rams: Brady Quinn and Troy Smith.

Last season, in what was essentially a meaningless game for the Rams, the team pulled of an end of the year upset over the Dallas Cowboys. This was a morale boost to a tired and depleted Rams squad and knocked the Cowboys out of contention for a playoff spot. However, this also moved the team down a handful of spots in the draft. Had they remained in the top six picks, it was widely believed that the team would have taken tight end Vernon Davis in the first round. Instead, the Rams decided to trade their later pick to move down and take cornerback Tye Hill. During the draft last spring, the team played with the idea of taking quarterback Jay Cutler in the first round and general athlete Devon Hester in the second round. This points to a Rams desire to shore up the quarterback position in this spring's draft, and two of the top prospect quarterbacks are turning into Rams fans accordingly.

Said Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn, "I am rooting for the Rams, even against my favorite teams. Getting the Rams into the top seven or eight picks puts me at a risk of being drafted by them, and that would suck ass. That city has no nightlife, no cool beautiful people like me, no sexy ladies, and no attraction to me whatsoever. Plus, that team is a pain in the butt. Maybe under Martz, where I could have thrown the ball like a fool on each down, I could have had fun. But a run-first team? Not for me, no sir. Here I come, sunny and warm Miami! Let's get some more wins, Rams! Get out of that top ten!"

Echoing Quinn's sentiments was Ohio State quarterback and recent recipient of the Heisman Trophy, Troy Smith. He has been projected as a top ten pick, similar to the position that Jay Cutler was in last spring. Noted Smith, "Please oh please oh please don't let me get drafted by those Rams. The weather stinks there and that team is on the decline. I'm sorry to you St. Louis people, but I need to get to some place warmer like Houston, or Miami, or even Oakland. I am so desperate not to be on the Rams that I would go to Oakland. Think about that. Oakland."

The Rams, not flattered with these comments, noted through team president John Shaw, "Well if they don't want us, then we don't want them. Listen, we only make a good first round pick every few seasons. First it was Orlando Pace and then we tanked it for a while. Then someone at the Dallas table told us about Torry Holt so we picked him up. I would say we cannot make a good first round pick until, oh, let's say 2009? Yeah, then we will get a good one. Until then, it is first round defensive busts for us! Wish us luck!"

[This story is a satire of public figures.]