The new Andy Murray regime at the St. Louis Blues franchise has seen some tough times. The first few games after Murray took over, subsequent to the firing of Mike Kitchen, were as ugly as it gets. Then, suddenly, the team started winning. Now that the Kitchen-era struggles seemed to be behind the team, coach Murray decided it was time for some team male bonding. Murray had some motivational speeches and activities planned for the players during an off-day retreat this past week. However, things took a turn for the worse when the motivational movie selected by the new coach was Brokeback Mountain.
In case you have been living under a rock, Brokeback Mountain is about two gay cowboys who love each other. Really, there is no need to explain it any further, since that pretty much sums it up for people who like westerns. If you like gay movies, then this is right up your alley. Have a great time. Stlsports missed that one, and it was no accident. Lots of people (not friends) told Stlsports what an amazing, beautiful, lifechanging movie it was. Hey, that's great. I am still not going to see it. No thanks. I don't care how many Oscar nominations and awards it was up for. The Oscars are rigged, anyway. Gay cowboys? Good God, man!
So, getting back to the story, Andy Murray, who never goes to the movies, called up his old buddy Joel Quenville, who is now the coach of the Colorado Avalanche. Coach Q, as he is known, was the predecessor to Mike Kitchen, and his needless dismissal left a bad taste in his mouth. Regardless of the politics of the business end of the National Hockey League, Murray felt that he could reach out to Quenville. According to Murray, "I asked Q if he knew of any recent movies that showed a bond between friends. See, I don't really go to the movies that much and I know Joel does like to see a movie once a while in the theater. He suggested Brokeback Mountain. He said it was a western that had just come out and won a bunch of awards, and it was all about male bonding. Well, that was good enough for me. I am trying to get these guys to bond here, and this movie was going to inspire them." After a pensive moment, he continued, "Not such a great idea after all."
Coach Q, reached for comment, noted, "I can't believe he actually showed that to the team. I bet post-game showers will be a little strange from now on. Kind of nice throwing a monkey wrench into the Blues team that fired me for no damned reason. Of couse, that team is so bad right now, I guess it wasn't really necessary. But, you know what? To hell with them fellas!"
Coach Murray, at the retreat, put in the DVD and noted, "I want you guys to understand what my regime as head coach is all about. I want to see quality male bonding and teamwork. This movie is all about male bonding and teamwork and solid relationships. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to have a coaches meeting to draw up some plays. I will return when the video is over." With that the coach left his team to the screening of Brokeback Mountain. Upon his return, confusion was abound.
Veteran Jamal Mayers stated, "I don't know what that movie had to do with hockey, but I am a little confused. This is what Andy Murray's style of hockey is all about? What?" Defenseman Barrett Jackman had similar issues, noting, "Why did he show that movie? Listen, there is nothing wrong with being gay. Hell, there is nothing wrong with being a gay cowboy. My only fault lies in showing a gay cowboy movie to a hockey team and telling the team that this movie represents your visions for the hockey team. Does anyone else think that is a little odd?" Forward Bill Guerin, new to the team this season, added, "Does the team management have any idea who the hell they hired when they hired this guy? This is the second gayest western I have ever seen, right after the Young Guns, which was pretty gay. Regardless, I am showering at home after games from now on."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
[By the way, for an excellent Brokeback Mountain parody, Google 'Brokeback to the Future.]
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment