Brett Hull retirement ceremony eagerly awaited

Team officials recently announced that Brett Hull, the once great forward of the St. Louis Blues hockey club, would have his jersey retired in an early December 2006 ceremony before a game against the Red Wings. Hull won a Hart Trophy (translate: MVP award) while with the Blues, and holds several scoring records with the team, including most goals by a Blues player in a season and most by an NHL right winger in a season. He also holds team records in career hat tricks and goals. Finally the team and city will recognize this great player.

When asked about the event, Hull noted that, "The retirement ceremony will probably be the highlight of my day. I mean, I could have a really good lunch that day, but I guess the number retiring will be the best thing to happen to me that day. It's kind of ironic that they are doing it in a game against the Red Wings. Ironic because I won a Stanley Cup with the Wings. Remember me, St. Louis? The guy who could never be on a cup winner? Yeah, I've got two rings. What? What? Didn't think so."

Rumors circulated that Hull was bitter about the discourteous treatment that he received when he was run out of town on a rail in the late 1990's and that he would be reluctant to come back for a number retirement. The team, in an effort to counter the fan alientation of that era have also decided to name a series of urinals after 'Iron' Mike Keenan.

Team owner Dave Cheketts, reached for comment, stated, "We barely had to talk Brett into coming back for this distinguished honor. I mean, yeah, we had to promise to give him a car, a Rolex, some money, a share in the team, a vacation, a house, a boat, some more money and a share in replica jersey sales, but he really wanted to be a part of this event. It is a great moment in St. Louis Blues history. In fact, we approached him about playing this season. No, I'm not joking. Since we are assembling a team of overpaid has-beens, Hull would fit right in here. But, after ten minutes of laughter over the phone, he graciously declined."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]