Bo Hart desperate to get noticed

Just last week the expansion of the rosters for the Cardinals' major league baseball team took place, and several prospects and part-time players have made the jump up to the major leagues for the remainded of the regular season. However, despite the teams' issues at the center of the diamond defensively, former fan-favorite Bo Hart did not get the call. Since returning to the Cardinals organization in the AAA Memphis Redbird affiliate, Hart had been trying to get noticed by the St. Louis management and make the team again. Sadly, people aren't talking about Bo anymore and he is getting desperate to get noticed.

In a recent Redbirds broadcast in Memphis, the television announcer had this call of the game: "There's strike three, and with that Schumaker goes down swinging. Well, we can take a break here for station identification and be back with the top of the sixth, right here on ... oh, my goodness. [To producer] Get camera three on the dugout. [To broadcast] It appears that in the corner of the dugout, Bo Hart is, well it appears that he is cutting himself on the arm. Can that be right? Yes, it looks like he is using a pocket knife to cut himself in his non-throwing forearm in several places. The trainer is on his way over, and ... lookout, I think we are seeing some kind of tantrum. Hart is throwing things around and shouting out to the trainer and manager that he is not loved and that nobody cares about him. Well, folks, this is about the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life as a broadcaster. This, ... this is a black day for baseball."

Said youth therapist Roscoe Johnson about such erratic behavior, "This is typical for children who are trying to get noticed. If someone's parents, for example, have been spending too much time talking about or paying attention to the oldest child, sometimes the younger child might do dangerous things to themselves as a cry for attention. Sometimes they will do drugs or alcholol, or perhaps misbehave in school, but these rarer instances of self-harm need special attention. Ultimately, the child does get the attention that they are seeking, so it is important not to feed into their desires and create a dangerous looping effect for repetitive behavior." Upon being informed that this was not an early teen situation, but instead was that of a professional baseball player in his mid to late twenties, Johnson replied, "Well that changes things. That guy is out of his damned mind. I had no idea. He needs some real help."

Said manager Tony LaRussa about the Bo Hart situation, "I have had it up to my butt with short, white, 'scrappy', one-position infielders. How many of these clowns are in our organization? And by the way, I hate the word 'scrappy'. That is the stupidest crap I have ever heard. Stop using that word!" General manager Walt Jocketty, opined, "Oh, yeah, we noticed him alright. In fact, I noticed his ass right over to Round Rock in a trade. We only have room on our roster for a few psychos and Hart isn't one of them."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]

[Thanks KES and MWS.]