Bulger predicts another bad outing in Week 11

Marc Bulger, the quarterback for the St. Louis Rams, has a terrible outing in the season opener against the Broncos. The team managed to win, but only on the foot of Jeff Wilkins, who converted six field goals. Things did not improve much in Week 2. Bulger was approached about the lackluster offensive performances, and he subsequently apologized. He did, however, cage that apology by making sure everyone knew that he would have another awful statistical performance in Week 11.

Bulger, like most males age 15-50, is in a fantasy football league with his friends and relatives. During the draft, being a proud person, Bulger had targeted himself. Rather than take himself in the 6th round, he chose to pick up another running back with the hopes that he could get himself in the next round. Sadly, he was picked by his buddy Roscoe in the 6th round.

The trouble arose when Bulger's team faced Roscoe's team in the first week of the fantasy season. As a result, any time that Bulger scored in real life, he harmed himself in his fantasy football life. "You can all see that I had a difficult decision to make," noted Marc. He elaborated, "I think I made the right call. The Rams won. My fantasy team won. I won a twelve pack of beer in the fantasy football sidebet. Everyone came out on top." When asked why he predicted another lackluster performance in Week 11, Bulger plainly explained, "That's my rematch against Roscoe. Hopefully the Rams defense can step up again like they did in week one. Who would've thought that would happen?"

Bulger also credited team kicker Jeff Wilkins, explaining that, "Wilkins helped me out twofold. First, he helped the Rams win. But second, he also helped me win. I got him with my last pick, and he was a steal! If not for him, that Frank Gore performance that Roscoe got would have sank me. Thanks to Jeff, I will be enjoying a few cool ones courtesy of old Roscoe."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]

[Sorry for this month's 'no-post Monday'. It happens sometimes.]