Survey: 90% of people who quote stats making them up

During a recent poll of Cardinals baseball fans, who claim to be the most intelligent spectators in the game, it appears that many people have been throwing around statistics without having any idea what they mean. In fact, many people just make up statistics to prove their point in arguments with other fans. This might come as a shock to some, but not to stlsports, for whom witnessing this type of nonsense has been going on for many years.

For example, a recent discussion overheard by stlsports at Weber's Front Row during a Cardinals game between two morons is transcribed below:

Moron 1: Pujols is a much better clutch player than Big Papi.

Moron 2: How can you make such a statement? They are in different leagues and play different positions on totally different teams.

Moron 1: Well Pujols' OPS is .860 for the year.

Moron 2: Wow, that is pretty high, I guess.

Moron 1: And since Papi only has an OPS of .790, he sucks.

Moron 2: Do you even know what OPS means?

Moron 1: Uh, sure. Overall Player Swing?

Moron 2: So, did those stats come from the newspaper or out of your ass?

This is just one all-too-common example that most people who claim to know about sports actually know nothing about sports. The OPS statistic is a detailed calculation, recently added to the baseball vernacular, obtained by taking the player's jersey number, dividing that by his walk-to-strikeout ratio, and adding that number to his road batting average. Duh, everyone knows that.

But the foolishness is still quite prominent. Many 'die-hard' Redbird fans were quizzed on their knowledge of the game, including everything from manual scoring to historical statistics. To say that the city performed poorly would be a dramatic understatement.

By example, when polled via Jumbotron by a showing of hands about the attendance at the Cardinals game last week, many people thought that Option #2, represented by a hot dog, was correct, when in fact it was Option #4, the ballcap. The craziness continued. The guy sitting next to stlsports marked down 4-3 on his scorecard for a ball hit to the second baseman and thrown to first base for an out. Since the ball was thrown from second to first, the scoring should have been 2-1, but in lieu of crashing down his little baseball world, stlsports resisted the urge to correct him.

Reached for comment, manager Tony LaRussa noted, "I am sick of this town. Why do you think I live in California? I can't get a cup of frickin' coffee without someone talking to me about stats. What's that, Mr. Idiot Baseball Fan? I should start Taguchi tonight in center based on your personal statistical analysis? Wow, thanks. Would you like my job, you fat ass? How about another donut? ... I'm sorry, I'm rambling. It's my problem, I'll deal with it. Anyway, I cannot stand hearing stats from fans. I would say that 99% of the time, they are completely wrong. The next guy who talks to me about OPS is getting punched in the face. And I am not talking a little 'Michael Barret cheap-o' punch in the face. I am talking about a 'Nolan Flippin Ryan tenderizing Robin Ventura's schnoz' punch in the face. Just you watch."

Study up, Cardinals fans. This was a disappointing showing.

[This story is only 67% satire of public figures, including the LaRussa stuff, but with an overall +/- 4% margin of error, but that's only 70% of the time, 10% of the time, and there is only a 45% chance of that.]