Mark McGwire Expressway renamed Cheating Bastard Highway

Way back in 1998 Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were credited with saving baseball when they engaged in a riveting race to break the single season home run record. Since then, the public and media have villified both of them based upon the allegations of disgraced junkie Jose Canseco. As a result of this fiasco, all of their baseball cards have been dramatically devalued, effectively ruining the retirement plans of several poor-planning idiots.

In honor of his then-amazing accomplishments, the city and local officials banded together to name a particularly blighted part of Interstate 70 the Mark McGwire Expressway. Just beyond the empty warehouses and apartments, one of the few non-grafitti-laden landmarks in this area was a large road sign memorializing this renaming. However, in light of the recent steriod allegations and the reclusive demeanor of McGwire, those same politicians who once fought to recognize him have now turned on him and renamed the highway. Rather than returning the highway to an unnamed stretch of road, they chose to take it further by putting a purposefully derrogatory name in its place. Yesterday the "Cheating Bastard Highway" was unveiled where the "Mark McGwire Expressway" once ran.

Said Commissioner Bud Selig, "This McGwire/Sosa problem was just awful. We all feel so betrayed. I cannot believe that they both cheated, even though they did save the game. What they did is equivalent to having the best sex of your life with a beautiful woman and then discovering that she used to be a man. No matter how great it was, in retrospect, it was vile and disgusting."

Local outrage has been surprisingly minimal in this rabidly loyal baseball town. The fans here seem to understand the seriousness of the situation and this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. This actually follows suit of similar changes made in other towns. For example, in 1999 the Republican government in Ohio changed the "Bill Clinton Parkway" to "Keep It In Your Pants Road" and, in California, just this past month "Barry Bonds Road" was renamed "Lying Scumbag Alley."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]