Of course there are more rejected headlines! So many stupid ideas that never got off of the ground. When the headline itself is far, far funnier than the story to follow, it gets rejected. Hence, most of the following terrible headlines. Enjoy the second installation of this series. Feel free to opine which ones should be saved, if any.
So Taguchi not a very good driver [No need to endorse a stereotype, even if there are some elements of truth ... ]
Cubs fan has memorial brick edited to remove phrase 'Cards Suck' [You know, this probably really happened, but when I tried to write it, it was just too dumb.]
Time traveller from future: You must kill [sports player] [I could not figure out who it should be, but I still have a dumb reason to kill him in my head. Despite that, I am letting this one go.]
Cancer-stricken children to Blues: We aren't interested in free tickets [Since when are cancer-stricken children in a humor-related story? This would have landed me in hell.]
Local liquor stores lobby Walt Jocketty to trade for David Wells [Another spin on the Sidney Ponson / Ray King joke - already done it.]
Glue factory near Fairmount Park sees increase in production [Wow, that's dumb.]
Sequel to Three Nights in August: 'I hate you, Jason Marquis' [Wrote it a while back and it sucked. Plus, Bernie has been doing this gag for weeks on 1380am, and I wouldn't want our comments to overlap.]
Rectal Fungobatectomy required for reporter who brought up Mark McGuire in LaRussa interview [Believe it or not, there is no such procedure as a fungobatectomy.]
Hardees sign at Busch Stadium leads to increase in price of Neon gas [I just hate how commercial that stadium has become. And that damn sign is HUGE!]
Pornographic websites feeling the pinch from the fantasy football boom [Well what else is there to do on a computer?]
[Player] named ugliest man in St. Louis sports [I have a name, and you probably do too, but this one should never be written.]
[These rejected stories would have been and these headlines are satires of public figures.]
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