Trent Green: I can travel through time

Trent Green, the Kansas City Chiefs quaterback and St. Louis native (poor guy went to Vianney), suffered a concussion on a late cheap-shot Romanowski-esque hit in the first game of the season, and has not returned to the field since. His injury was serious, and the expected return date has been pushed back several times. Sadly, his mind seems to be failing him as a result of the injury, as was evident in a recent ESPN interview, excerpted below. Given the serious nature of the injury, only time will tell when Green will be able to return to the game.

Stuart Scott: Glad you could make it here tonight with us, Trent.

Trent Green: Sure, Stu. Anything for you.

Scott: You really got one in the head pretty hard. How are you feeling since you took that terrible hit?

Green: It has been a rough few months.

Scott: Trent, you only got hit two weeks ago.

Green: Yes, in your time. But, you see, I was hit so hard that I travelled through time.

Scott: You travelled through time? That's crazier than the other side of the pillow!

Green: Here is what happened - I was instantly transported to medieval Japan at the time of the hit. Once there I befriended a young child named Yoshi. Together we trained in the martial arts and went into battle against the evil samurai overlord. Thankfully, we were successful and I came back here to our time after many months. So it seemed like I was only out of it for a few minutes on the field, but that was months to me.

Scott: Booyah, Trent! Now, what kind of drugs do they have you on, because they sound excellent.

Green: You don't believe me?

Scott: No, I am afraid not. Now, again, what do they have you taking? Please be sure to spell it, since those drug names can be tricky.

Green: I'm sorry you don't believe my story.

Scott: Okay, fine. On to other topics. When do you expect to be back on the field?

Green: Well, I saw a football game on television last week and it was so traumatic that I soiled myself, if that's any indication.

Scott: Booyah! You're not the only Kansas City player who soils himself, am I right? Can I get some names? I have heard rumors.

Green: I promised Kennison I wouldn't talk about this in public.

Scott: That's fair. Fairer than the other side of the pillow. Booyah! Any other news?

Green: Not really, Steve. Well, I must say, this really has been a lovely dinner. Do you think grandpa will care that we borrowed the car?

Scott: Uh.

Green: Oh nevermind, Dave. I have to get going now, since the big speech meet is this weekend. Go Whitefish!

Scott: Okay! Thanks for coming down here, Trent.

Green: Who?

We'll all be hoping for a swift, recovery, Trent. Good luck. And be sure to return grandpa's car with a full tank of gas.

[This story is a satire of puclic figures and a ripoff of TMNT3.]