The Rams have had a surprising season to-date. They beat the Denver Broncos in an unexpected upset in the home opener. They managed to throw away a game against the sad sack San Francisco 49ers. Then just last Sunday they fumbled away and then recovered the other team's fumble away of a win against the tranplant Arizona Cardinals. In each instance, the Rams have performed contrary to the gambling lines and, as a result, local compulsive gamblers have been hurting.
Against the Broncos, the Rams were the underdog. Anyone with any sense had their money on the Broncos, but the Rams came out on top. The Rams were favored in 'Frisco, but lost anyway. The Rams were also favored against the Cardinals, but only won by two, failing to cover the spread. These three disasterous performances have left broken dreams and broken kneecaps across the St. Louis area.
Reached for comment, team president John Shaw explained, "We have had a pleasant series of games to this point, but I see room for improvement. We could very easily be 3-0 or, conversely, 0-3. So we need to clean up our act and get some scoring drives together." When asked specifically about the gamblers, Shaw noted, "Yes, we have gotten some abusive phone calls from fans who lost money. Everyone wants to know something inside about the team to help them make bets. But frankly this team is not about betting. I bet we've gotten two dozen calls on this since this morning."
Degenerate junky gambler Roscoe Johnson added, "I have been suffering lately. I can't unload these hawked Blues tickets. I can't sell these stolen Jeff Weaver replica jerseys. And I had my legs broken because I keep betting on the Rams. I am about 50 G's in the hole right now and the only way out is to bet some more. Hey, by the way, who do you like in the Rams/Lions game? The Rams are favored by 3. I need this one bad."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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