Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa has his annual fishing trip into Canada all planned out, and he is taking good friend and currently unemployed manager Dusty Baker with him. The pair are set to leave town next Monday morning and be gone for three weeks into the fine trout fishing that Canada has to offer. Some fans are concerned with the timing of the trip, as a potential game five to the National League Divisional Series against the Padres is set to be played in San Diego that day, if necessary. Brashly brushing off such criticism, LaRussa refuses to change his plans again.
LaRussa noted that this trip has "already been delayed after we went ass-backwards into the playoffs. Dusty and I have had this set up since the preseason, but things have been shaken up by this club's resiliancy. It really is a testament to third base coach Jose Oquendo. Not so much to me. I pretty much spend my time scowling at players, fans, umps, other managers, et cetera, and not so much time interacting with or motivating the players. I leave that lowly shit for 'The Secret Weapon.'"
When asked why in the world he would set up a fishing trip for right after the conclusion of the regular season when his team had been to five out of the previous six playoffs, LaRussa quipped, "I had no idea we would ever get into the playoffs. We didn't really make a splash in the free agent pool. I mean, Aaron Miles? Come on, seriously. No, Dusty and I were pretty sure this trip would go as planned. But now I have to put it on hold a few more days." It was then pointed out to LaRussa that anything can happen in the playoffs and that everyone's record is 0-0 and that crazier things have happened. Bluntly, LaRussa noted, "If we win three games against San Diego, I'll bend over and kiss my own ass. Now leave me alone, I have plane reservations to change. You know that costs money the longer you wait, so please get out of my office."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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