Billikens looking to make some noise in NIT

The Saint Louis University mens' basketball team has been looking to improve on the past few seasons' disappointments. The Billikens have been a club hovering just below .500 since the Charlie Spoonhour era, and coach Brad Soderberg has the team excited about its potential. With a new on-campus arena being built, and now in their second season in the basketball-focused Atlantic-10 Conference, the not really all that Atlantic Billikens have higher expectations to live up to. Coach has set the bar high, preaching to the team that with a little bit of effort and a couple extra wins, his team can get into the prestigous National Invitational Tournament.

SLU actually won the NIT back in the 1950's, bringing a national championship to the city. Not many people know this, not nearly as many people who know that the newer, slightly improved NCAA tournament has supplanted the NIT as the premier postseason tourney for college basketball teams. Regardless, many see the NIT as a chance to show the country who really is the 66th best team in the land. The Billikens believe that they can aspire to be that team.

Said Univesity President Fr. Biondi, "Many of our donors are so old that they still believe the NIT is a great thing for the school. So when we get an NIT bid, they pop out those trust fund checkbooks and buy a brick or tile in the new stadium. The NCAA attracts the younger crowd, and honestly they are a little poorer or at least a little stingier. Sure, the advertising revenue would be great if the NCAA and A-10 didn't have us by the set. But I digress ... we would love to show off our city and our university on the second biggest stage of the basketball postseason."

Coach Soderberg, reached for comment, added, "The new stadium will really help us out a ton in recruiting. See, athletes are inherently lazy, in my experience, and the stadium will be on campus and hence a shorter trip from their townhouses than going all the way down to Kiel or Savvis or whatever the heck it is called now." He continued, "I think that if we play exceptional Billiken basketball, and by that I mean winning 53-52 each night against mediocre teams, we can get that RPI up into the low 80s and possibly into the high 70s. Then when the NIT comes-a-callin' we will be ready to represent."

Fr. Biondi elaborated, "I went to a workshop put on by my dear friend Bill DeWitt. Did you know you can charge whatever you want for concessions and souveniers and people will still pay for it? Holy heck! Plus, in the NIT, the games are at the home stadiums of one of the teams, not on the road in some random city. The NIT will actually make us so much more money than an NCAA bid. I am getting a little ahead of myself, I know, but it is all so exciting."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]