Indoor blimp catastrophe leaves 22 dead

Details are finally emerging from the rubble at ScottTrade Center following the indoor blimp catastrophe that left twenty two spectators dead, dozens injured and three missing. As was widely reported in the national media outlets, during the hockey game at home against the Edmonton Oilers last Sunday, the remote controlled indoor coupon-dropping blimp got tangled on some indoor fireworks lines, and a fireball of death and mineral water coupons ensued. In the aftermath, several lawsuits have been filed by individuals and consumer groups. The Blues team management has expressed some concern that this might reflect poorly upon the team and may hurt ticket sales.

Team President John Davidson noted, "Well, Hydrogen is just so darn cheap, and what with the budget crunch and all, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, not so much. Oh, the humanity!" Most people use helium in blimps or zepplins, because it is a non-flamable, inert gas. Helium is more expensive per liter than Hydrogen, and doesn't float as well. However, Hydrogen is also highly flammable. So when some idiot started setting off indoor fireworks to celebrate a Blues goal, the blimp, in an attempt to maneuver around those wires, became tangled, and the explosion ensued.

"Now members of the staff are mentioning something called the Hindenburg. Well I wish I had heard about this sooner than just this morning," added Davidson. "Some lives could have been saved and some rennovations could have been spared. Way to drop the ball, guys."

Team Owner Dave Checketts, reached for comment, said, "The good news is that the majority of those killed were season ticket holders, and thus their seats have been paid for for the remainder of the season. Sadly, they will not be able to buy our concessions for the rest of the year." It was then noted by an aide into Checketts' ear that ticket holders are people and not just dollar signs, to which he replied, "Oh, yes of course the Blues send their condolances to the families of those killed and injured. With those condolances will be a coupon for ten percent off of tickets to the games and some more mineral water coupons."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]