Mid-Season Fantasy Football Update

We're half way through the National Football League season, and accordingly we are halfway through the Fantasy Football season. It's time for the contenders to make some moves and for the pretenders to clear their rosters, roll over and die. As usual, Stlsports' two teams are a pretender and a non-contender, respectively. A brief (well, kind of brief) update on the fantasy leagues:

High School Friend League

Stlsports is 4-4. This is not so great, obviously. I could easily be 6-2, but I am an over-managing dumbass. Week 1 = loss because I sat Frank Gore. Week 7 = loss because I sat Hines Ward. The team is decent overall, but there are a couple juggernauts out there that might kill me in the playoffs. Who knows. I have a couple weeks to decide whether I should pack it in and sell of my stars, hoping to win the Toilet Bowl (consolation bracket championship, which awards the top pick next season) and get some good keeper candidates, or sell of some of my pretty darned good keeper players and rookies for some elite players and make a run. What a conundrum.

Flapjack has been hounding me to post this football update. Okay, I can own it - he schooled me when I played him a few weeks ago. All of his big guns were on a bye and I was at full strength and he straight up took me behind the woodshed. He was asking how my butt felt for the next two weeks. Hardy har har, Flapjack. A 7-1 records does not a doormat unmake. At 7-1, you are getting prepped for a huge letdown. Huge, but predictable. Your team is good, but you will lose in the playoffs and be left with a late pick next season. Plus, you sold all but one of your keeper prospects in some interesting trades. Things just aren't looking so good for you. You know I'm right. Too bad. See you next season.

The stunning loss to Flapjack aside, Stlsports managed to lose to the winless team managed by his own brother. Unkie Herb, as we will call him to protect his identity, has a bad team. And by bad team, I mean a godawfuldisastercrapola team. Most people like to draft two starting running backs and one starting quarterback, but not old Herb. One starting RB and a few risky QBs later, and he came into the week 7 showdown at a Raider-esque 0-6. But there is always the Bidwell Cardinals of each fantasy league, and it was me. Well sure, I would have won if I wasn't an over-managing idiot. But in the end, he has his win to get him over the hump. He made some sweet trades (pay attention, Flapjack) and his team is ripped for next year. He is all set and with some competent drafting (i.e. no advice from me) he can contend a year from now.

Cupcake's team is pretty good. A few holes, but nothing too terrible. Dumpling, not so much. He is in the tank. I predict that I conquer Dumpling in the Toilet Bowl championship game and Flapjack loses in the first round of the playoffs to Cupcake. But none of us will win the title. That will go to some othe idiot. Who cares. I am in this league to socialize and get drunk at the draft party. Mission accomplished. When is the next draft party?

Brother-In-Law League

Stlsports is 2-6. That's what I get for drafting Edgerrin James and Willis McGahee with the first two picks. Too bad scoring touchdowns is not a priority for either of these hacks. Too bad their NFL teams are terrible. What a worthless team. Everyone on it sucks. What the hell was I thinking? Next draft, the formula will be more beer consumption and less thinking.

Plus, now I have my 3-5 brother-in-law talking crap about how my team is so bad it could not even help him out. Allright, dude, I am 3-0 against you lifetime. Let's see what happens in a couple of weeks.

And when I played Sugarpie a few weeks ago, I made sure not to side bet with his side bet welching ass. Of course I lost and it was the right call in the end. If we had made a bet, I would have welched on it and waited to see how much he complained. The other brothers-in-law finally heard about his non-payment of wagered beer last season and they were wildly pissed off. Way more pissed off than I was or am.

My only two wins happily came against brother-in-laws (I have five or six). They really really really hated losing to me. I am totally satisfied with just those two wins, since I can hold those over them for a while. I just need one more over Mark, who we will call Cuddles to protect his identity, to run my lifetime record against him to 4-0. Man, that would annoy the heck out of him.

Overall, the season is a wash. I ran up a 10-2 mark against them last year, and, as I predicted in August, I am on the road to 2-10. I have decided to sell my few valuable players in lopsided trade offers, to be balanced out by beer payments. The offers are not rolling in.

Final Thoughts

Good luck to everyone in the home stretch of their respective leagues, except Flapjack and Cuddles!

Here's to a Stlsports / Unkie Herb title game in 2007!

Here's to Flapjack repeating as 2007 Draft Party Beer Bitch!