The St. Louis Cardinals are the World Series champions, and with the title comes a great deal of additional media attention on the players, coaches and management. Sometimes, people in the sports world like to use attention to push an agenda. For example, Kurt Warner took advantage of his Super Bowl win to talk about God and Jesus. Shaquille Oneal talked about his superstar rap status after winning another basketball title. And Wayne Gretzky made crazy statements about the Islamic liberation movement in Chechnya. But now Tony LaRussa has decided to push his own social agenda with the national spotlight squarely on him.
During the World Series parade, instead of wearing something relating to the Cardinals, or perhaps some normal clothes, he decided to put on a black t-shirt with giant a lipstick print on the front. In the midst of the kiss was the slogan 'Smooch Your Pooch', as an encouragement for people to kiss their dogs. LaRussa, an avid animal lover, started the Animal Rescue Fund (or something like that), a charity based in where else but California for the benefit of pets. The shirt has drawn some confusion from fans, including those in the animal care profession.
Reached for comment, a noted veterinarian stated, "Actually you should not be smooching pooches. Or any pet. Really, pets are pretty damned filthy in the mouth. I have heard the euphamism that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a humans, but that must have been stated by someone who eats poop and garbage all day, since that is about how clean a dog's mouth is. Have you ever seen two dogs together? What do they do? They lick each other's butts. Then they sniff around the ground, eat some poop and garbage, and then lick their own privates. No, not very clean at all. LaRussa is an idiot. Instead of smooching your pooch, how about deworming or immunizing your pooch? I know that is not a great slogan, but a lot better than smooching your pooch. What a sicko."
LaRussa commented, in response to the medical professional, "I think I know a little something about dogs. I own fifty. I smooch them all the time. Right before leaving to go to work, I smooch each dog each day. My wife doesn't live here in St. Louis with me, so I smooch my dogs on the way out the door. It gets lonely here in this penthouse. So lonely."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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