Newly-elected Missouri senator Claire McCaskill managed to win the seat of outgoing senator Jim Talent in a close election. With McCaskill taking office, a change in policy at the federal level is anticipated, and the issues being fought for on behalf of Missouri might change as well. Some political commentators have speculated that she might use her influence to bring some much-needed tax relief to impoverished, hurting and financially-unviable groups, such as her favorite baseball team, the Kansas City Royals.
Just as John Ashcroft diverted tax revenue to the St. Louis Cardinals and as Bill Clinton portioned off budgeted federal money for Klan softball teams (allegedly), McCaskill has plans for the federal government to divert your funds to Kaufmann Stadium, the home of her beloved Royals. "I was getting used to spending only Missouri's money on Missouri's problems, but now that I am in Washington, I can spend everybody's money on Missouri's problems!", elated McCaskill. The freshman senator continued, "It is amazing! All of this free money to spend! There's so much of it, we can just spend it all. And, you know what? When we run out, we just print some more! Is this a great country, or what?"
When asked how she plans to carry out this act, she noted, "I can just get Kaufmann declared a disaster area. I mean, in the figurative sense, I guess it is a disaster what is happening there to my cherished Royals. But is it really a disaster? No, but as a former auditor, I think I can write up a budget proposal that can get approved. Give me some credit, here."
In a parallel story, Illinois' re-elected governor Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagjoyevitchs (sp?) has petitioned both the federal government and the state legislature for money to buy the sorry-assed Cubbies from the stingy owners of the Wrigley/Tribune family of incompetence. "Only a buffoon would sign Kerry Wood to an extension," opined Rod. He added ,"And I would ask that money be spent on more prudent options, like proven stars. Where is Barry Bonds? How about Jose Lima? Kent Bottenfield? Chuck Finley? Milton Bradley? I want proven winners on that team, and with your help, Illinois, I can do it. We can change things for the better."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
[Okay, so maybe Clinton didn't use part of the federal budget on Klan softball. On the upside, getting on the FBI flagged blog list just adds readership.]
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