Molina: I like C-Section scars

Stlsports recently caught up with the Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina for an interview. Molina has been busy with interviews, appearances, autograph sessions and his winter training. Even with all of that hustle and bustle he has been able to find time to lead an active social life. One of the few true bachelors on the team, Yadi, as he is affectionately called by the fans and his teammates, has been seen at local social establishments around town with some of the finer ladies the Midwest has to offer. In spite of this busy professional and social schedule, Molina found the time to share his thoughts with Stlsports and you, the readers.

Stlsports: Thanks for joining us for this interview - I know you are really busy.

Molina: Hey, anything for the fans, man!

Stlsports: Yadi, you're considered a little bit of a ladies man and you like to have a good time, am I right?

Molina: Yeah, I guess so.

Stlsports: So, what do you think about Britney Spears' latest gaffe, particularly those crazy photos taken of her nether-regions while out clubbing with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton?

Molina: What are you talking about, guy?

Stlsports: About Britney and her crazy party lifestyle.

Molina: Don't you want to talk about the World Series?

Stlsports: That's old news, my man. You are the hip, young, partying member of the team, so I want to ask you about hip social issues.

Molina: I don't know nuthin about Britney Spears.

Stlsports: Well she was seen out on the town with no underpants on, and some photographers got pictures to prove it! How about that? Can you relate to this? What do you think?

Molina: I think that's nasty, man. Didn't she have some kids or something like that? Why are we talking about this crap?

Stlsports: Okay, let me be straight with you, Yadier. People are sick of sports news. The Blues stink and the Rams stink. The Redbird stuff has been done over and over and over again. They care about Madonna's adoption of some kid from Africa, Tom Cruise's crazy spaceship wedding, Kramer swearing at minorities, and Britney Spears' naked cooch. I am trying to get some increased readership here and you are cock-blocking me.

Molina: Sorry, man, but I thought you wanted to talk about sports. You called me up and said this would be a World Series-related interview.

Stlsports: I just need to sell some damned subscriptions and I could use some cooperation.

Molina: Subscriptions? Isn't your [fake] sports news blog free?

Stlsports: You are aggrivating me! Who's doing the interview here?

Molina: Okay. Don't get so worked up. We can talk about whatever you want.

Stlsports: Even Britney Spears' skanky photos?

Molina: I haven't seen them, so I don't know.

Stlsports: It is pretty gross. It's kind of shaved, and a little flabby. Oh, and you can see the c-section scar.

Molina: That's nasty. Let's talk about something else.

Stlsports: Honestly, I didn't even really prepare for this interview except to bring a copy of US Weekly with me.

Molina: So, can I just go?

Stlsports: Sure, I am going to make up most of the interview, anyway.

Molina: Uh, can I read it before you publish it?

Stlsports: Yeah. I am going to have to get a little creative with the title. You need snappy titles to get people's attention.

Molina: Like what do you have in mind?

Stlsports: How about "Molina: I like C-Section scars".

Molina: I don't like that. No way. Not only is that untrue, and a little nasty, but it is going to totally mess up some of my dates if that gets used.

Stlsports: Fine, I won't use it. What about "Molina admits he was present at TomKat's wedding".

Molina: But I wasn't there.

Stlsports: It doesn't matter. If not that one, I could try "Yadi / Madonna tryst ends in brawl with K-Fed".

Molina: That doesn't even make sense to me. How about "Yadier beats up smartassed reporter for pissing him off."

Stlsports: I think I see what you mean. Well, fine I guess I will just have to call Jim Edmonds or someone else to get an interview.

Molina: I guess so, man. He listens to Britney Spears, so go ahead and call him. Just don't ever call me again.

Stlsports: You got it, buddy. Thanks for the interview.

Molina: Remember - never call me again.

Stlsports: I got it.

Molina: Never.

[This story is a satire of public figures. Obviously this interview never happened.]