The Rams, for the second consecutive week, played a horrible game on defense. Not that LaDanian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson aren't running all over the rest of the league, but the Rams have been putting out particularly putrid efforts lately after what was considered by some to be a great start. Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett has been taking some heat about the recent slide in effort and play.
"I tried to walk them through it very simply," explained Haslett. He continued, "I called a defensive meeting and set it all out there: 'It's called tackling. Remember, from Pop Warner? Remember? Tackling. Using your strength and momentum and grip to wrestle the opposing player who has the ball to the ground. Tackling. Look into it.' I think it was beginning to come back to some of them. Well, none of the starters, but a few of them."
When asked why the team has been performing so poorly, Haslett could only speculate, "Well at home I have been getting a ton of obnoxious phone calls from automated auto-dialers telling me who to vote for or against in the election tomorrow. That has probably been the source of the problems on defense. The impending election and those ads and phone calls. That and the poor funadmental play. And really good offensive teams."
Finally, Haslett added, "I will be happy as hell when that stupid election is over. Then we can start playing some solid defense again."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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