The Rams have a future Hall of Fame wide receiver in Torry Holt. He has had as great of a start to his career as some of the finest players in NFL history. Torry is revered by the fans and feared by opposing defensive backs. He has been in two Super Bowls and will hopefully be in a few more. Besides being a fine player, he has been a part of football and draft day analysis for television networks. Truly his star shines brightly and we can continue to expect great things from this fine athlete. But now he has accomplished something truly extraordinary - winning a Rawlings Gold Glove Award.
Said MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, "Torry Holt can make catches that most people dream about, and he makes it look easy. He has the best hands in the game. We wanted to mix it up a little bit and decided that, if he was an outfielder, he would be one of the best in the league. I don't think he should be penalized for playing in a different league." Selig was then reminded that Holt doesn't just play in a different league, but a different sport altogether, to which he replied, "What the hell is the difference? Catch the ball on the run. Good enough for me. Listen, the people at Rawlings give this thing out, not me. I don't even like football."
Reached for comment, Holt noted, "It is about damned time that I started getting the recognition that I deserve. Just because Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens are louder and more obnoxious than me, doesn't mean that they are better than me. I think this Gold Glove finally proves that I am an amazing athlete. That or it proves that the people at Rawlings are a little crazy. Either way I am thrilled at the honor."
Rawlings defended its move though a company spokesman, who commented, "The outfield position was a little thin this year. And we were all sitting around drinking some beers and watching some football and we thought, hey, you know what, Torry Holt would be a great outfielder. It grew out of that. Pretty organic if you ask me."
In an unrelated story, Mary McSorley has been belatedly awarded a Silver Slugger award for the year 2000.
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
[You win a prize if you get that McSorley reference.]
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