Pace's injury gives him time to scrapbook

The Rams suffered a noticable loss during last Sunday's game, when offensive tackle Orlando Pace tore a muscle in his arm, causing him to miss the remainder of the season. Few members of the team play as intensely and at such a high level as Pace. He is the anchor of the offiensive line and the key member of the pass protection scheme that the Rams use each Sunday. While this is a devastating blow to the team and the fans, Pace is still upbeat about the ordeal.

Reached for comment, Pace noted, "The strains of football have really taken away from my true passion - scrapbooking. I used to spend my days at The Ohio State University collecting colorful bits of paper, string, and stickers to make creative scrapbook pages with my old and new photographs. Well, now that I have some free time, I can get back to my roots and constructively spend my time, rather than going out on that dirty field and getting all dirty and beat up." Asked whether or not he was serious, Orlando replied, "Of course I'm serious. Something like scrapbooking cannot be done half-way. No, sir, this is a serious hobby. Nay, a lifestyle."

Rams quaterback Marc Bulger, noted, "With Pace out, I am guessing that I will be spending more time on my back than a two dollar Tijuana hoo... uh, you know, I shouldn't say that analogy with the cameras rolling. Kids might be watching, and I would not want to be inappropriate. Let's just say I'll take more hits than a junkie on welfare check day." It was then explained to Bulger that Pace's backup might actuall perform servicably and that the team could string together some wins, to which he responded, "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. That's dumber than a hillbilly eating lead paint chips under some power lines."

Bulger's insensitive remarks aside, the Rams front office has been taking this all in stride. A noticeably weeping team president John Shaw added, "This is going to kill our replica jersey revenue! Why?! Why?! Oh, God, why couldn't it have been some other player?! Why?!"

Pace concluded, "I also plan to start a book club and perhaps get that pie cookbook published. This injury is truly a blessing from God."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]