Little feels Haynesworth sets bad example

Tennessee Titans defensive tackle Ablert Haynesworth was suspended yesterday for five games for stomping on the unhelmeted head of opposing lineman Andre Gurode, leading to cries of outrage from many fans. Some thought the punishment should be stiffer and many are using this single act as an example of the brutal nature of professional football in America. A few are even calling for criminal charges to be filed, given the seriousness of the injury to Gurode. The Haynesworth incident is resonating here in St. Louis, where some members of the Rams have been asked to comment on what type of example this sets for children and fans.

When asked about the Haynesworth head stomping, Leonard Little noted, "That just shows a lack of personal responsibility. It is important to admit when you are wrong and suffer the consequences, especially when you hurt someone like that. He could have been killed! The law should act swiftly and hand out a more serious punishment. And if he should have the audacity to get caught doing something as criminal as this a second time, even if no one gets hurt, they should throw the book at him. Second time repeat offenders are the worst. No fancy lawyers. No loopholes. No challenging evidence. If you do it a second time, you should be out of the league. Football players today show a complete disregard for the law and a lack of personal responsibility and it disgusts me to no end."

Moe Williams, a recent addition to the team, when asked about the incident, replied "This is the type of behavior that gives NFL players a bad name. I particularly hate hearing about players misbehaving. Sometimes I get so upset about it, I write my feelings down in a journal. I also really dislike it when players disprespect women. Is there anything more shameless than objectifying women? I think not. It is important for NFL players to lead by example, not to misbehave and create public distrust of the game and its team members."

A question arose about differentiating between misbehavior on the field as opposed to misbehavior off of the field. Little noted, "Off the field? That is a different story. That shit's nobody's business." Williams, in the room at the time, commented, "Word to that. Nobody's business."

[This story is a satire of public figures.]