The San Diego Chargers handed out a serious on-the-field beating to the Saint Louis Rams last weekend. LaDanian Tomlinson put on a rushing clinic, having torched the Lambs for two scores on the ground and another through the air for good measure. While this might be a moral victory for holding the perennial fantasy football MVP to only three TDs, the Rams looked pretty awful on defense. Missing from the improved, but still needing improvement, defensive unit was linebacker Piso Tinoisamoa, who has been nursing an injury of some kind that seemed to keep him from playing.
Said Piso, reached for comment, "It was a good time to get a wrist injury, let me tell you. Have you ever tried to tackle Tomlinson? Glad I missed that one." Pressed to elaborate, he added, "Well I just got that five year extension, so I can kind of lay it up for a little while. No need to look foolish unnecessiarily. And what's great about this whole thing is now people are talking about how much better things might have been if I had played. This is a huge win-win situation for me." Tinoisamoa was then reminded that the Rams wound up losing the game, to which he noted, "Yeah, that's a kick in the pants. Oh well."
When asked what the game looked like to him from the sidelines, Piso noted, "Actually I was out surfing at the time of the game. You are only in San Diego so often during the season and the surfing is excellent out there. No, I was not there. I had someone stand in for me. You would be amazed at how many people are willing to wear your jersey on the sidelines in street clothes for a couple hundred bucks. Really nice of that guy to cover for me. And boy am I lucky that I didn't get this cast wet. That doctor would have had my ass!"
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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