The expansion group looking to bring Major League Soccer to Saint Louis has recently announced the possible team names for the new franchise. A list of names has been submitted for public review and a vote will take place later this year to determine the new team moniker. However, the names has been met with little fanfare and have not created the media buzz that the expansion group was hoping for.
Currently there is a rule that professional sports team names cannot be duplicative, like the Giants (of football and baseball), Cardinals (of football and baseball), or the Rangers (of baseball and hockey). This federal regulation came into effect in the early 1990's after confusion arose amongst fans regarding the two Cardinals teams. Older teams, like those already mentioned, have been grandfathered in, but new teams or relocating teams must make the change. This regulation includes all pro sports teams, including bowling, badminton, and women's football.
Hence, when the Winnipeg Jets moved to Phoenix, they had to become the Coyotes, when the Cleveland Browns moved to Baltimore, they changed their name to the Ravens, and when the Houston Oilers moved to Nashville, they were the Titans. Since most of the good names are taken, only a few remain available. Many leagues in many sports have take up the better team names. This has left the MLS expansion group with little options. A fan poll has been planned to help select the name.
The options for the fan voting are: The St. Louis Grave Robbers, The Missouri Gropers, The Midwest Hobos, The St. Louis Skidmarkers, The St. Louis Geriatrics, and the River City Open Sores. Potential fans have been less than enthusiastic about the opportunity to select the name. Reached for comment, potential fan Roscoe Johnson asked, "Are these it? Those are terrible. Jeez, why not add the 'Sweaty Vaginas' to the list?" It was then explained to Mr. Johnson that the Sweaty Vaginas is a women's rugby team in Vermont, to which he replied, "Oh, I guess all of the other good names are actually taken. I had no idea. Well then I guess it's time to buy my Hobo jersey, since that's who I am voting for."
As to the stadium naming rights, few groups have shown interest. The three organizations considering using the stadium as a twenty year billboard are Planned Parenthood, the local white supremacist church, and Tampax. The expansion group has subsequently lowered its asking price in the hopes of soliciting additonal naming rights bids from other companies or groups, but to no avail.
Through all of this controversy, Mayor Francis Slay, a self-proclaimer soccer lover and selfless promoter of all things St. Louis, noted, "This is going great! We have a real buzz around the city. People are talking about MLS soccer. So maybe the team name will be mildly offensive. So maybe the stadium name will be wildly offensive. At least the product we put on the field will be great. We are planning a beautiful stadium up north of the downtown area right now. Can't you see the progress we are making? This is going to help the city turn the corner. The fans will come. I promise you, the fans will come."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment