Bowling Hall of Fame much more fun when drinking

A recent change in policy at the Bowling Hall of Fame, which you may or may not know is located in St. Louis, means that fans touring the museum will no longer be able to consume alcohol as they pass through the exhibits. Most people associate bowling with beer, and in a recent survey of sports that you can play with a beer in one hand, bowling came in third, behind shuffleboard and golden tee, and just ahead of badminton. [Please note, stlsports does not discriminate against what some people might consider non-sports. If there is some skill, we will call it a sport. Therefore, being awesome at, oh, let's say volleyball, and also being a great chess player DOES make you a two sport athlete. God bless 'em.] Since most people bowl with a beer in hand and about three or four in their bellies, the BHOF had offered free beers every twenty feet inside the museum. Customers had become accustomed to strolling down bowling's version of memory lane at the BHOF while getting progressively drunker. But, sadly, no more.

In a recent interview with Roscoe Johnson, the head of the BHOF, he was asked why there was a change in policy at his museum. "We are trying to get rid of the public image that bowlers are all beer-bellied slobs," he said. "You know, bowling used to be a respected sport. Heck, even Jack Buck used to call bowling matches on the radio, but not anymore. It's all these other games nowadays that these kids are into. I just don't understand it. So we need to clean up out image and get the beer out of the museum." When asked if he would be comfortable bowling without a beer, he responded, "Hell no."

Some recent visitors to the museum were asked about their experience when they came out of the exit. Said one tourist, "Good lord, I had no idea how boring bowling is. After that exhibit, I think I am going to take up reading books or playing piano. I used to love bowling, but without the beer, I now realize that I was just wasting my time. All you bowlers out there need to go on this tour sober and realize that bowling is a terrible cancer in your life!"

Since implementing his plan for a beer-free museum several weeks ago, Johnson has noted a marked decline in BHOF visitors. Local bowling alleys have been suffering, too, while library book check-outs have tripled. In an unrelated story, the national Darts Hall of Fame, located just blocks away, has seen a five-fold increase in visitors.

[This story is a satire of a public figures, and also of a public place.]