Monday, August 14, 2006

Jim Edmonds fails to draft himself for fantasy team

Jim Edmonds has spent many years patrolling center field for the St. Louis Cardinals, and he has been a staple in both the clubhouse and on the defensive highlight reel. As the most senior member of the current team, he has earned the respect of the fans and his teammates. More recently, however, Edmonds has suffered from an offensive slump that has its roots in last season. Many people have been seeking answers into his lower power numbers and it is even alleged that he has lost a step or two in the outfield. This is a star player in the twilight years of a fine career, but he has suffered another indignity to compound on his recent troubles.

Edmonds is in a fantasy baseball league with other major league baseball players, and the group got together at an Anaheim sports bar party room back in February to draft their teams for the 2006 season. Jim's team, the StL Metros, selected Vladamir Guerrero with the 10th pick of the first round. Pleased with his selection strategy, Jim went on to select other stars such as Derek Jeter, Greg Maddux and Scott Rolen, giving him an impressive core of starters and reserves. As the final rounds began to wind down, several notable names were still on the list. Among those names was Edmonds.

MIke Hampton, a pitcher who has spent several of the last few seasons on the disabled list, picked himself at the start of the 18th and final round of the draft. He stated, "Look, I know I won't pitch this season, and it is a wasted pick, but I can't let myself go undrafted. That would be pretty crappy." Every other MLB player participating in this particular fantasy league had been picked by the controversial Hampton pick, including Jose Lima, who drafted himself in the second round. Everyone had been picked, that is, except Edmonds.

When Jim's 18th round pick rolled around, he thought about it for a while and eventually selected John Buck, who you might not know is the catcher for the Kansas City Royals. Even Mike Sweeney of the Kansas City Royals, a member of this fantasy league, did not know that when Buck was drafted. The draft party was alive with controversy after Edmonds' final pick of the draft.

Asked about the draft later, Edmonds commented, "Can you believe Lima picking himself in the second round? I told you that guy was a lunatic. 'Lima time! Lima time!', he shouted in the draft. What the hell was that all about?" Edmonds was specifically asked about not picking himself out of personal pride. He responded, "Listen, buddy, I knew then that I was going to continue my subpar performance this season. Would my on the field play hurt my chances at getting my option picked up? No, since they pretty much owe it to my for the years of sacrificing my body for this club. I'm not going to bust my butt and hurt myself even more just to earn an option year. I want a long term contract," stated the 37 year old Edmonds. "So the bottom line is that I needed a backup catcher in the league in case Joe Mauer goes down, more than I needed to show some self-respect. I think that you would agree that I made the right call there."

Both Jim Edmonds and Jose Lima had their fantasy teams mathematically eliminated from playoff contention this week.

[This story is a satire of public figures.]

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