, Jeff Gordon, sports writer for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and for the stltoday.com website, has just about had it with people confusing him with the other Jeff Gordon. There is another Jeff Gordon, this doppelganger being a race car driver in the NASCAR (pronounced NEH-cahr) circuit. The local Jeff Gordon has been getting confused with him for a few years now and has reached his breaking point.
Commenting on the situation, the local Jeff Gordon noted, "There was nothing wrong with that name, until a few years ago when that no-talent ass clown started winning races." Particularly annoying the St. Louis version of Gordon is the fact that the other Gordon doesn't even play an actual sport. "Race car driver? People mix me up with a race car driver just because highlights appear on ESPN? If driving for long periods of time is a sport, then why aren't big rig drivers in their own wing of the racing hall of fame? Could Dale Earnhardt get twenty tons of cat food from New York to Miami in twelve hours? Now that would be an accomplishment worth noting."
When approached about the issue between the two, the racing Gordon stated, "Look, I just want the other Jeff to like me the same way I like Pepsi products. Mmm mmm, Pepsi sure makes a great cola."
Jeff the sports writer continued, "If I hear another word about this NASCAR Gordon, I am going to freaking scream. I plan to devote an entire paragraph on my tipsheet article this weekend to explaining my ire, in the form of several witty barbs. That'll teach him." Gordon concluded the interview by plugging his upcoming assignment, "I have things to do, like covering the National Spelling Bee finals. I hear that little Bernard Miklasz, a home-schooled child from rural Idaho is the favorite to win it all this year."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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