Isringhausen seeks counseling for his addiction

Jason Isringhausen has a problem. This is an issue he has been dealing with for quite some time, and it has finally come to light now that he is seeking help from counselors. Izzy is addicted to walking. Walking batters, that is.

It started out innocently enough several years ago. Izzy used to just get in the game and get the three batters out and that was that, save in the record books. But then his buddy Bill Pulsipher suggested that Izzy try throwing some outside pitches and seeing how it felt. [Incidentally, in a tragic example, Pulsipher's walking addiction has cost him any chance of making another major league roster.] Jason was reluctant to try it, since he had heard about the adverse effects of issuing walks during a game. Eventually he was coaxed into it and soon he was hooked. He began by just walking one batter per game, but soon one became two and two became three and so forth. Soon Izzy could hardly stand on the mound without trying to walk a few batters. He would ask the unmpire if he could throw a four ball pitch, which was one of the last straws.

In a recent disaster of a game, where Izzy walked five batters on twenty pitches, Manager Tony LaRussa approached the mound to take his reliever out of the game. When asked why he would continue to walk batters during the game, even once the bases were full, Izzy mumbled, "Hey, I pitch better with a few on. Lemme go, I can stop whenever I want to! Don't you dare judge me, LaRussa, like you don't have problems, too!" LaRussa responded, "Go home and sleep it off, kid. You've had way too many walks."

Cardinal losing streaks were particularly hard on Izzy. He would not get appearances in the game and thus could not walk batters. "Man, I'm jonesin' to walk someone", he was known to mumble in the bullpen. "Oh, come on, put me in the game! I need some work!"

After entering a treatment program in the offseason, things seemed to be turning out a little better for Izzy. While in the counseling sessions, Jason reconnected with former Redbird Matt Morris, who was also recovering from walking addiciton. Bud, sadly, Matt showed Jason about a high that you could get that was greater than walking players - giving up huge home runs. Matt had dabbled with it, even gotten really heavy into it. Isringhausen took it too far, however. He began to mix walks with homeruns. Now he is out of control. Walk after walk, followed by homerun. It is a sad tale, one that doesn't seem to have a happy ending, either for Isringhausen or for the Cardinals.

Please, pray for Izzy.

[Although there are some elements of truth, this story is a satire of public figures.]