Matt Leinert, former USC quarterback, has been holding out from training camp and pre-season workouts with the Arizona Football Cardinals, and is currently the only first round pick without a contract. Talks were proceeding well until Leinert discovered that he had in fact been drafted by the NFL Cardinals and not the MLB Cardinals.
Reached for comment, Leinert stated "I consider myself a football player at heart, but I know that I am gifted enough to play two sports, like Deion Sanders, Bo Jackson or Brian Jordan. So when the Cardinals announced my name at the draft, I assumed that it was because I also played a little intermural baseball at USC. I mean, I did hit two home runs in the Sigma Chi game." Only upon reaching the podium did he fully comprehend what had happened. "They game me a football jersey and I was like 'oh damn, this must be some kind of joke'. Who in their right mind wants to play for the football Cardinals?"
Kurt Warner, current Arizona Cardinals quarterback and former St. Louis Rams quarterback, sympathizes with Leinert. "If I had a choice, I would play for a St. Louis team again instead of an Arizona team, especially when the Arizona team has an offensive line as bad as mine. Come on, guys, it's called blocking!" Warner also misses the slightly less horrible summer weather and having fans that show up to and give a crap at the games. "I wish I hadn't been railroaded out of St. Louis, just because my wife likes to call in to radio shows and subvert team management."
Since the trade talks have stalemated, Leinert has hopes of re-entering the draft, this time making it clear that he doesn't want any funny surprises next time. "I just want to play for a good team, like the Giants."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment