Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Tkachuk: I pee sitting down

Keith Tkachuk, forward for the St. Louis Blues hockey team, was recently featured on the ESPN segment known as The Budweiser Hotseat, where a sports figure is asked tough questions about pretty much anything, and it is a rapid fire format of interview. Many people have been on the Hotseat, and sometimes the interviewer manages to elicit a controversial answer or asks a question that evokes emotion from the interviewee. Not since the infamous 'I like dudes' interview with Greg Louganis has an edition of the Hotseat gotten such a response as it did when Tkachuk appeared.

An excerpt of the interview follows:

Trey Wingo: So how many games do you think the Blues can realistically win this season after doing so badly last year?

Tkachuk: I think that the new ownership has put a great team of youth and veterans together and we plan to really compete.

Wingo: Who is the clubhouse prankster?

Tkachuk: That would definitely be Dougie Weight. That crazy guy.

Wingo: Tell me something about Keith Tkachuk that we don't already know.

Tkachuk: Hmm. Something you wouldn't know. Well, I pee sitting down.

Wingo: Okay, now how would it feel if ... wait. Did you say that you pee sitting down?

Tkachuk: Yeah. What's the matter with that?

Wingo: Nothing, nothing. Let's just finish the interview. Uh, where was I? You know, nevermind. Keith Tkachuk, you are now officially off 'The Budweiser Hotseat'.

Tkachuk: Thanks, Trey! We miss you here in St. Louis!

Wingo [off camera]: I hope he didn't pee on the Hotseat.

Backlash from the 'pee sitting down' comment has continued to haunt Tkachuk through his off season. Head Coach Mike Kitchen noted that, "We had been having some problems with some jokester player whizzing on the toilet seats, but I guess that Keith is not a suspect in that investigation." Other players have commented on the story, including Doug Weight, who noted that "lots of people pee sitting down... they're called women! Booyah!"

On an upside, some fans new to the game of hockey but veterans at the game of life [not the board game] have been coming to autograph signings asking the star forward to sign their adult diapers. "A lot of us pee sitting down as well, not that we can really control it, but we just tend to be sitting when it happens" noted local senior Roscoe Johnson, who continued, "We're all so happy that now we finally have a voice in the pro sports community."

[This story is a satire of public figures. Incontinence is not very funny.]

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