The former owner of the St. Louis Blues hockey franchise, Bill Laurie, had long coveted an expansion club from the National Basketball Association. Additionally, many fans in the St. Louis metropolitan area are avid fans of the NBA, but the closest teams geographically are several hours away in either Memphis or Chicago. With the rising interest in the sport and the huge revenues that can be gained locally from such an expansion, it is a wonder that an NBA team has not yet found a home in St. Louis. Now the push to get an expansion or relocated franchise in St. Louis has gained additional support from a group of St. Louis area lawyers.
President of the Metro St. Louis Coalition of Attorneys for Basketball Expansion, Roscoe Johnson, commented that, "Professional sports teams add to the presitge of a city, and it would be great national exposure as well. Local businesses would obtain additional profits, and new jobs would be created. It would be a huge plus for everyone involved. Especially the attorneys." Johnson went on, noting that, "When a bunch of wealthy, irresponsible young men, such as pro athletes, are set loose on the streets of a city like St. Louis, all sorts of legal trouble can ensue. And that especially holds true for NBA teams and their players. That all means a whole bunch of extra billable hours and legal fees for us attorneys, and that is a win-win situation for everybody."
Mayor Francis Slay, reached for comment on the prospect of expanding the local sports scene to include an NBA franchise, replied that "a lot of naysayers undervalue the benefits of bringing something like an NBA team to town. Sure, we could spend the cash on our crumbling roads, the underpaid police or the highly questionable education system, but c'mon, we all really just want to see some hoops. I am without doubt that an NBA team would completely revitalize the city. No question in my mind. None. I'm serious this time. Plus it would help line the pockets of our local underpaid attorneys."
As to the specific benefits the legal system could see from an NBA team, Johnson elaborated, "Well for example, the many child support cases would need lawyers. The domestic disturbance cases would need lawyers. And don't forget about all of the lawyers that could handle the traffic and criminal stuff. You know how great that would be? Using an NFL example, my lawyer buddy in Cincinnati tells me that having the Bengals in town this past year has been a boon to the local legal economy. And my cousin who is an attorney in Portland has an entire file drawer of Trail Blazers work. Why can't St. Louis get a piece of that pie? We can with an NBA team! Or with another Moe Williams boat ride, this time on the Lake of the Ozarks."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
[Apologies to any offended lawyers. You shouldn't make fun of lawyers.]
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