My very sensible wife has rejected storylines to go along with the following headlines, due to the stories being too offensive, really inappropriate or just plain not funny. Too bad. Regardless, one or two of these might appear in a later story as a subplot. This is only Part 1 of the Rejected Sports Headlines, because I am sure she will shoot down some more in the future. She truly is my better half. So, enjoy. Think about what could have been. In fact, feel free to leave a comment as to which one I should try to salvage and I might give it another shot.
Female rugby player .... [The rest was terrible. I was explicitly told by my wife not to do this one, ever, in any sense. But I played college rugby and this has some elements of truth.]
Lawrence Phillips opens driving school [Stupid joke - this guy isn't even worth it.]
Tony LaRussa arrested on charges of animal trafficking [Just dumb, and you need to know about ARF for this to be funny.]
Leonard Little fails background check [Self-explanitory and mean, and I don't feel like opening old wounds.]
Pornographic magazine found in Rams locker room [This is based on a story relayed to me from friends who worked in their locker room in 1995.]
Jim Edmonds opens super-posh disco [I like Jimmy Ballgame as much as anyone else, and this was only meant to annoy my mother-in-law, who really likes him.]
RB / WR uncomfortable with being called a 'tweener' [No need to offend the transgendered - they have enough problems.]
Rush Limbaugh turns down opportunity to call NHL games [Why even write this one - you know where it is going.]
So Taguchi booed by Chinese-born fan [Okay, so this one actually happened and I was there, but still it is a small, dumb joke.]
Michael Jackson not a very good little league coach [Too easy, too controversial - beating a dead horse.]
David Eckstein outhustled by Scrappy Doo [This really is just a dumb joke. Not even remotely funny.]
Sports agent killed for using phrase 'Show me the money!' [1. I just saw Jerry McGuire 2. I hate cliches and wish that people who use them would die. Yes, that's my final answer.]
Entrance song snafu leads fans to question [player's] sexuality [I actually wrote this one out and it sucked. Seriously unfunny.]
Someone looks at Mike Lincoln funny, he is placed on 60 day DL [This guy has been waaaay too injured, but not many people would get this.]
Issac Bruce not a real reverend [Here's another one I wrote that was just not funny. At all.]
Aaron Miles picks a barfight, placed on the 60 day DL [This one won't work, according to the latest ESPN the Magazine, since Miles is apparently a little badass.]
[These rejected stories would have been and these headlines are satires of public figures.]
[Obviously this stuff ever happened, except the Chinese booing one.]
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