The Sporting News recently came out with its ranking of the top sports teams in the country, and for the fifth consecutive year, the City of St. Louis has been ranked dead last. Since being named the top sports city in the USA in 2000, St. Louis has been at the bottom of the rankings.
The 2000 season was an excellent one for the sports teams in St. Louis. The Rams won the Super Bowl in dramatic fashion, capping a miracle season where the offense dominated the entire league with their exposive attack, led by backup-turned-superstar Kurt Warner and Hall of Fame lock Marshall Faulk. The Blues skated to the President's Cup, awarded to the team with the best regular season record in the league, before eventually tanking it in the first round of the playoff, as per their usual method of operation. The Cardinals continued their dominant performance against the rest of the National League, winning another Central Division title and moving on to the playoffs. It was truly a magical year for the city and her teams.
The naming of St. Louis as the top sports team in the country was met with outrage, disgust and jealousy by the rest of the cities in the USA. Many people, pointing out the fact that The Sporting News is based in suburban St. Louis, accused the publication of home-biased favoratism and did not feel that the award was well deserved. The top sports city award typically went to New York, Boston, Chicago or Denver, but not to a "cow-town truck stop like St. Louis", in the words of inflammatory ESPN contributor Skip Bayless.
In response to the national backlash, The Sporting News decided to prove that it was not loyal at all to St. Louis by ranking it dead last, regardless of accomplishments or team performance. Since finishing first in 2000, St. Louis has hosted a Final Four, gone to another Super Bowl and won a National League Pennant, yet none of this impressed the editors at The Sporting News.
Many readers thought that this treatment was not enough and have been questioning The Sporting News' alliance to St. Louis recently. In order to further show their lack of bias, the magazine has expanded the ranking to include the 400 largest cities in the US and still ranked St. Louis last. "I think this should make people happy," stated City Ranking Editor Roscoe Johnson. "Now instead of just looking up at a couple dozen cities, St. Louis has to get in line behind 399 other metropolitan areas."
Reached for comment, St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay said, "Well I thought we had been improving lately in getting our sports image enhanced. But I guess not. I need to get with local civic leaders and talk about what we need to do to overtake Helena, Montana at 399. Then we can take it from there."
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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