Marc Bulger, quarterback for the St. Louis Rams, participated in a full squad scrimmage earlier this week as a part of the team's pre-season training camp. During the scrimmage, as well as during other drills and team practices, Bulger has been wearing a red jersey on top of his workout uniform. The red jersey alerted defensive players to the presence of the quarterback and prevented him from getting sacked.
After a team workout, just before the pre-season game against the Indianapolis Colts, Bulger stated, "That red jersey thing was great. Nobody was sacking me or even touching me. I went 18 for 19 in practice thanks to that jersey." Sadly Bulger won't be allowed to wear the red jersey in regular games against real opponents. "I called a guy in the NFL head office and asked if I could wear the red jersey against the Colts, but he told me that wasn't an option."
Reached for comment, outgoing NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue said, "We had to deny Marc's request, since part of the game is tackling the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. And Marc isn't the first person I've talked to about this. David Carr used to call every other week or so and ask for the red jersey. I swear, he spent more time on his back than a two dollar ... uh, nevermind."
Marc isn't going to let the NFL office prevent him from using the red jersey, though. Right before the pre-season game, Marc was defiant, stating, "I plan to wear it under my pads and tuck it into my pants. That should do the trick. I wonder where they make these magical jerseys? Oh, well. Every immobile quarterback like me should have one of these. Tonight I am invincible!"
[This story is a satire of public figures.]
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